Personal Confession

So I have decided to start blogging about something personal. It's very hard to talk about this with just anyone and even though I have a super supportive hubbie, sometimes I just got to get everything off my chest. This includes way too much TMI......but I've decided I don't really care.

Personally I consider my body to be a failure. I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) and can't conceive naturally. Not to mention the fact that losing weight is damn near impossible and let's not even get started on the extra facial hair......

Despite all of these "faults" my dear hubbie loves me unconditionally. He is the bestest.

We were married for 10 years before we had kids. And it wasn't isn't having them either. We ended up doing Invitro and were very blessed to have everything take the first time and had our 2 wonderful children.

A few of my friends already know my next adventure in life.....well I guess it's actually a repeat adventure.

We are going to try for kids again and I am going to start blogging about my experience with the entire process.

I have only had a handful of visits just for precautionary items. My most recent challenge during my workup has been my issues with my cervix.

Argh....it's just crazy.

After the birth of the twins at my 6 week check up, my Gyno conveniently tells me that he must have "put my uterus" back incorrectly and now it was tilted! As if I don't have enough problems conceiving!

Well the result of this faulty line up is that now my cervix is a little out of alignment (it's not like I can just go into the Gyno and get a re-alignment, Dammit Jim he's a Gyno not a Car mechanic).

So here I am last Monday morning...sitting in a freezing room...naked from the waist down. Doc finally comes in with his nurses and we are ready to start my Sonohystogram. So the pelvic assault begins and it feels like she's rubbing on my bladder back and forth and back and forth. All I am thinking about is how much I've got to pee.

Nurse says "her bladder's too full I can't see anything". We all agree I need to empty the bladder. So I get off the table wipe of the 10 gallons of lube they put down there and proceed to get re-dressed and march to the bathroom. I do the deed, come back to the room, get undressed again, hop on the table and await my punishment.

The troop comes back in and the procedure starts again. This time she locates my right ovary with no problems, takes the measurements and tells me I have a lovely string of 10 pearls on it. For you non-PCOSers, that's 10 egg follicles that have decided to grow on the outside of my ovary instead of proceeding down my tubes. I don't know if I should be proud of these pearls or worried? Oh well....now it's time to find the left one.

Okay - this one hurts even more. I remember this pain. This is the pain from last time I was here 6 years ago. After taking the wand and twisting it to a almost 90 degree angle, she finally finds it. Takes the measurements and I get to add another 9 pearls to my collection. Lucky me...

So next the Doc steps in to start my sonohystogram. He gets the speculum out and proceeds to insert it. The speculum is really hurting and he can't get it into the position he wants.

He backs up and tells the nurses we need to go into the ER because he needs to get my up higher to get a better view.

So yep - I get to clean the lube off AGAIN...get dressed AGAIN..and march into another cold ass room. I get undressed climb up on the table and the Doc starts hoisting me up in the air. I start to laugh to myself as I picture this literally looking like I am on a lift. I start to visualize hubbies face as I tell him how HI-Larious this is......until I feel the speculum. The thing still isn't working...the Doc asks for a longer one.... (ruh-roh, A longer one?)

Nurse comes in with another one, they try this one and same results. Doc tries to continue the testing but doesn't want to keep causing me any more discomfort. So he stops....HALLELUJAH! I can hear angels singing.....

Feels like I have been ripped a new one down there....the pain was intense.

So I get dressed.....sigh....Again....and the Doc tells me he can't complete this test because my cervix is very high and a little crooked. I ask if this is normal, he says it can happen, not to worry....and that they have to order a special speculum that's longer and narrower. Now I don't what that means.....long and narrow? hmmm...that's another subject.

Needless to say I leave the Clinic feeling sore, but it's not the good sore like when it's "business time". So I am a little disappointed...LOL

Point is - I get to repeat this test on Tuesday....wish me luck. I am going to need it!