Things are a Changin'

So last week sucked...really bad.

My "Hidden Cervix, Crouching Uterus" is really starting to Urck me!

Last Wednesday was horrible for me. I can't say my wonderful Fertility Doctor didn't try his hardest, but still can't get ahold of my cervix.

Here I am again....10 feet up in the air, praying to God that my cervix will gently relax, and float down so the Doc can see it, but NO...not my Cervix....

After about 10 minutes Doc lowers the table, has me sit up, looks me in the eye and says "I need to see you in my office".

Yikes! The whole group leave the room and I quickly get dressed....have a brief moment of nausea as I see the trash next to me with all these long over sized q-tips with blood on them....I re-focus and quickly leave the room.

I start walking down the hallway and I immediately start tearing up....I get into the Doc's office and he tells me he's tried everything he can. My cervix is too far up and he can't reach it. I ask if surgery will correct it...he says no...I am praying so hard right now....

He says he can't go through with my IVF cycle right now. (this is where the tears start flowing pretty hard - I am not a crier so this is strange for me)....and he continues....

We would have to go through the Cervix to get the eggs out, if he can't monitor my cervix then it wouldn't be healthy or safe to continue. Then he suggests something....."lose some weight". Well DUH. I have PCOS I can't just lose weight like normally people...I have to work 10 times harder at everything...ARGH....I am over-whelmed....I just want to get out of the office.

He tries to schedule another appointment with the nutritionist.....and I am trying my darndest to hold back these tears....he gives me a big hug....and hurries off to his next patient.....the scheduling girl is taking her sweet old time.....

"Can I call back"...."I really need to get out of here"....she nods at me and I bolt out the door. I get to the truck....start crying hysterically and call hubbie. I call into work and hubbie meets me at home.

Needless to say...Dear Hubbie is super supportive. He's been with me since I was 16. He knows how hard it is for me to be a cry baby. He just holds me and loves on me...and I start feeling a little better.

Now I know what you are probably thinking....."it's okay.....just work really hard and you can lose a few pounds and it will be good for you anyway"...YOU ARE RIGHT. It will be good for me...that is not my problem. I am a planner....and in my mind my plan was going 100% according to what I planned. So this little kink in the road...yeah....not so good with kinks.

But I am trying.....got my appointment with the nutritionist on Friday....I really liked her last time and she's an amazing expert with PCOS and what you should and shouldn't eat. So I am totally excited to meet with her again.

I just feel my clock ticking away.....and I am praying my insurance doesn't change this year...cause my work is paying 100% of all my treatments.....so keep me and hubbie in your prayers!

Thanks for letting me share and vent!